


If You Love Him, Tell Him

by backtothestart02



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 4x20, Angst, F/M, Heart-to-Heart, Make-up, Post 4x20, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 04:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15235344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backtothestart02/pseuds/backtothestart02
Summary: Post 4x20 - Canon Divergent - After an unexpectedly moving heart-to-heart with her father, Cynthia realizes it isn't change she's afraid of. It's love.





	If You Love Him, Tell Him

**Author's Note:**

> After getting into the cynco angst in Cisco's head in "All That Glitters", I knew I needed to get these two back together. Truthfully, I planned this fic practically back when 4x20 aired, so I'm glad I was finally able to get around to writing it. It was such a headache to do revisions on. Goodness. My mind was crying. Hope it's worth it though! For the most part I'm super proud of this piece and all the background info I came up with. 
> 
> (Fun Fact: Cynthia being lactose intolerant is actually something I pulled from the Chronicles of Cisco tumblr post for 4x20. I didn't find out about it till after I'd written my first draft, but I knew I had to add something in about it, since I have Cisco drinking milk through his scene with Cynthia in the latter half of this fic, lol.) Enjoy!
> 
> *Many, MANY thanks to sendtherain for beta'ing this one and talking me through her edits after the fact. This one was a doozy, but I do think we made a masterpiece of it. <3

Tears still staining her cheeks long after Cisco was gone, Cynthia found her way to her private quarters and played a message that she knew was from her father, that she knew would be asking the same question he’d been asking for weeks.

_“Is Ciscy gonna take the job or not?”_

Her father was a little difficult to take seriously in his shorts, tropical shirt, and sandals. But the look on his face was always very sobering, so in part, she was glad the topic had come up on this last visit to Earth 1.

_Last visit to Earth 1._

Her face fell further, and she leaned back in the chair she’d slunk into. She closed her eyes, tuning out her father’s voice.

_Maybe it really would be._

She’d meant what she said to him. What they had, it was enough for her. A day in the life of Cynthia Reynolds was busy, hectic, but ultimately very fulfilling. She loved traveling to pick up her targets on the run. She loved being badass. She didn’t need a relationship to be happy. And for a long time, she’d insisted she didn’t even want one. But Cisco was nothing if not determined.

Once she gave in, there was no going back. At the same time, that only went so far. She didn’t have time for a relationship every day, and she didn’t want to cut back on her job in order to make one happen. The arrangement she’d had with Cisco allowed her to continue her schedule and take a vacation when she had a free moment. She spent every free moment with him – well, every free moment that wasn’t a good night’s sleep.

Vacation had come to mean _quality time with Cisco_. There were so many risks in changing the dynamic of their relationship. It wasn’t that she was opposed to more time with him. She _loved_ spending time with him. It was just that their relationship felt perfect the way it was, and she wasn’t willing to risk that just because he wanted to see her every day. It worked fine for her. It worked _great_.

“ _-and Cynthia_ ,” her father’s voice concluded, “ _I want you to come visit me in person_.”

She lifted her head and raised an eyebrow. _What?_

“ _We can spend some quality time celebrating Ciscy_ -”

“Oh, my God, no,” she muttered, deleting the message before it could be completed.

She didn’t know what had happened to change her father’s mind about Cisco. He hadn’t liked him right from the start. _He hasn’t liked any of your boyfriends_ , her inner voice reminded her. She ignored that. She allowed that there were moments where Cisco must’ve looked less than awful in his eyes, but to have him go from giving her extra assignments so she wouldn’t have time to see the object of her affection to offering him a job so they could spend every waking minute together, something major had to have happened.

Part of her was insatiably curious. The other part of her – the more logical part – told her loud and clear that it didn’t matter. She and Cisco were through. What did it matter if the two men most important to her for the past year were finally on good terms?

 _Excellent timing, guys_ , she thought, absolutely miserable.

She got up from her chair and walked out of the room. She had to get out of here. Work wasn’t a good distraction right now. Work reminded her about her conversations with Cisco in the past twenty-four hours and how they had decided to call it quits. She couldn’t remember the last time she had actually needed a distraction – aside from when her partner died a while back, but with Abra Kadabra put away, she felt closure on that.

She was numb now. She also had tears staining her cheeks. She didn’t really have friends she could talk to about this. She never let her walls down enough to get vulnerable with anyone. Except Cisco. And even with him not everything was stripped away.

She thought back to the previous fall and how it had seemed he was about to tell her he loved her. She was scared to death and then relieved that it was just about her name – something she could easily blow off. If her dad hadn’t showed up moments later, she would have likely thought again about what Cisco had almost said, or what he could have said, while they lay tangled in each other’s arms in the aftermath of steamy sex.

But that hadn’t happened. Instead what she had gotten was him shouting _the woman that I love_ with tears in his own eyes as he saw her unwillingness to budge.

She wondered if she was a fool for letting him end things between them, even if it was for the best.

She sighed and opened a portal, immediately vibing herself to a new earth, someplace quiet and devoid of people. She needed some peace, some alone time, a place to think or maybe just to be. She needed –

The man in floral shirts contentedly humming to himself strolled passed her, blindsiding her completely.

“Dad?”

He stopped, grinned the wide-toothy grin she hadn’t seen from him in ages.

“Cynthia! You came to see me!”

 _Oh boy_.

He walked over to her and stopped just short of giving her a hug. She wondered if he’d been able to see the tension in her. Then again, he’d never been much of a hugger.

“I…didn’t know you were here,” she said awkwardly.

“Nonsense! I told you!” He frowned abruptly. “I told you, didn’t I? I did tell you. I thought I did.” He stroked his chin as she slowly shook her head, apparently deep in thought.

She watched him, aware that she could just jump to another earth without him ever being the wiser. He might even convince himself he’d imagined his daughter appearing unexpectedly beforehand. But something about their close vicinity made her stand still.

“Ciscy! Of course!” He declared, a grin on his face.

Oh no.

“You came to tell me about Ciscy.” He returned to her. “Will he take the job? I really don’t want to have to look for another replacement.”

 “I talked to him,” she said carefully.

“And?” His eyes were filled with hope. It almost disgusted her.

She couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so delighted by any prospect, let alone one involving a guy she was dating – _had_ been dating; an ex.

“He said no.”

He frowned. “ _No_?”

The outrage she was so used to spilling out of him started to surface. She almost smiled.

“He doesn’t want the job, Dad. He just wants…” _Say a lie. Say a lie._

“What?” He barked. “What does he want?”

Her tongue betrayed her.

“Me,” she said softly.

Breacher was unaware of the rare tone from her. Instead, he scoffed.

“But he’d have you! Loads more of you if you two would just work together!”

“I don’t want him to take the job!” she snapped, successfully surprising him into silence.

“What?” he asked, unsure if he’d heard her right.

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Dad, I like things the way they are. I’m sorry you had to resign-”

“Don’t be,” he cut her off, spreading his arm wide to showcase the long expanse of beach they were standing on. “I love it here.”

She forced a smile. “Right. Well, I’m sorry you had to find a replacement, but neither Cisco or I want him to take the job, so you’ll just have to find someone else.”

His eyebrows narrowed, finally picking up on some of the tense vibes she was giving off.

“Is everything all right, Cynthia?”

She stilled, going wide-eyed, and then reining herself in, so her dad didn’t figure out more than he already had.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’re acting weird,” he said in that all-knowing voice of his.

“Dad-”

“Is there another reason Ciscy didn’t want the job?”

Relieved she shook her head. “Not that I know of.”

“Did you talk about it a lot?”

“Enough.”

“Cynthia-” he warned.

“ _Enough_!” Her pitch heightened, her voice cracked, and tears welled in her eyes without her permission. “Dad, can you just…”

She avoided eye contact for a few excruciating seconds before she witnessed a raging red starting to fill the color in her dad’s face.

“Dad…”

“Did he break your heart?” he demanded.

“Wha-”

“If he broke your heart, I’m gonna… And after I offered him a job too.”

He started stomping off before opening a breach, presumably to depart and give Cisco a piece of his mind. At all costs, she needed to avoid that. She was hurting, but so was Cisco. He didn’t deserve her father coming after him, especially when he had done nothing wrong and the man had finally stopped trying to kill him, had finally considered Cisco worthy of his daughter.

Her heart ached when she thought of that.

“Dad, no, stop!” She raced ahead of him and cut off the breach before he could enter it.

“What?” he growled. “No little boy gets away with hurting my little girl. I can’t believe I thought for one second that-”

“Dad.”

He huffed. “What?”

She sighed. The man was exhausting.

“It was mutual.”

“Mutual?”

“We broke up with each other. I’m sad, but…so is he.”

He stroked his chin again. “Why did you break up? You guys are crazy about each other!”

Her shoulders slumped a little. “He wanted more.”

His brows furrowed. “More?”

“He wanted to see me more-”

He rolled his eyes, aggravated again as he started to gesture with his hands.

“But that’s why I offered him the job! I don’t understand why he didn’t-”

“He didn’t want the job, Dad! He just wanted me!”

“But you don’t want him?” he asked, genuinely confused.

She hated that. It meant she would have to explain her feelings, and she really hated explaining her feelings.

“I do want him. I just-” She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut for a few moments. “I don’t want things to change.”

“Why not?” He was suddenly jubilant. “Change can be good! Look at me! I’m on a beach! For the first time since you were a kid! And I couldn’t be happier.”

She opened her eyes. “That’s a little different.”

“How is it different? I was stubborn. I didn’t want to admit something was wrong with me. I wanted a quick solution to fix my problem, so I could keep doing what I was doing. Cisco tried to give that to me, so I wouldn’t kill him.” He chuckled, nostalgic for a moment; then he sobered up.

“But when he realized his mistake, he went after me. Saved me from vampires! And told me the truth. I was angry at first, but when I realized his fear was rooted in never being able to see you again, I respected him. How could I be mad at true love? He loves you, Cynthia.”

She swallowed and nodded. “I know.”

“Don’t you love him?”

“I…I…”

Her heart raced. She felt like she was going to throw up. The question was too hard – too _hard_ – to answer.

“I haven’t-”

“You haven’t told him.”

She felt the heat rush into her cheeks. She had never known her father to be this observant, especially when it came to her romantic feelings about someone. And yet here he was, reading her as well as he read himself – when he wasn’t being a stubborn in-denial ass about his health at least.

“I hated your last boyfriend,” he said.

She rolled her eyes, annoyed.

“I didn’t like any of your boyfriends, actually.”

“I know.”

“I just think you’re so perfect, Cynthia.” She glanced up at him. “You’re my daughter. How could any man be worthy of you?”

“Dad-”

“But Cisco – he proved himself! More than once!”

“He shouldn’t have had to.”

“But he did.”

She was silent.

“I know the last man you love broke your heart,” he hedged cautiously.

“He was killed, Dad. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But you take responsibility for it. You blame yourself.” She looked away. “You _shouldn’t_.”

“I brought Abra Kadabra in,” she said, not looking at him until she’d wiped the fresh tears away. “Justice has been served. And I’m not…I’m not still in love with him.”

“I know you’re not. You’re in love with Cisco!”

She sighed again. “Dad-”

“You love him, and you’re afraid that if you’re around him too much eventually the same thing will happen to him.”

She didn’t deny it. The possibility had been eating at her. She just hadn’t looked it straight in the eyes long enough to admit it was true.

“If I went and lived on his earth…” she said quietly. “I couldn’t keep doing my job. I love my job.”

“Of course you could!” he insisted. “Just jump to our earth in the morning for your assignments, then do what you need to do and be home for supper, maybe even a surprise lunch. Think of how happy you’d make Cisco.”

Her heart did a flip inside her. It was hard to remember Cisco’s face with anything but tears streaming down it, given the events of the last twenty-four hours. But if she tried hard enough she could remember to months ago when they’d last been alone together under better circumstances. She brought a smile and confidence out of him that she didn’t see with anyone else. Granted she wasn’t usually on his earth long enough to see how he reacted solely with other people, but still…

“I can’t risk it, Dad,” she said firmly. “I’m sorry.”

She turned to walk away.

“Do you know that’s why your mother left me?”

She turned around, her mouth suddenly dry. He _never_ talked about her mother.

“It is. She loved me so much. She loved you so much. And I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t understand how someone as amazing and beautiful and smart as your mother could possibly love me. I came from nothing.”

She swallowed hard.

“They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. Because that’s when you learn what it’s like to live with each other every day and if you can stand it. I convinced myself she wouldn’t still love me after we lived together, so I made myself more difficult than I had to be. She was so loyal, but I became unbearable. And to top it off, I worked as much as I could. I wasn’t a good father to you when you were younger. That’s why.”

“Dad-”

“Eventually I pushed her too hard. She was exhausted from trying for so long when I never met her halfway. She told me she was going to leave, and she was going to take her with you, and you know at first I was going to let her.”

Her eyes bulged, afraid where this was going.

“But less than five minutes after she left to go pick you up from school and take you out of my life for good, I realized what a fool I’d been, how many years I’d wasted that I could have been happy if I’d just let her love me.” He took a breath. “So, I went after her. But I wasn’t fast enough. She got into a car crash on her way to get you, died at the scene.”

She couldn’t speak. Her throat felt like it was closing in on her, and her eyes were so filled with burning tears she couldn’t see out of them.

He approached her.

“I’m not telling you this to hurt you, Cynthia. I’m telling you so you don’t make the same mistake I made. After your mom died…I stepped up as a father as best as I could, for her and for you, to make her proud. I still wasn’t great at it, but look how great you are at what you do, what a fiery spirit you have, and you’re beautiful, just like your mother.”

“Dad.” Her breath caught in her throat.

He closed the final distance between them and closed his hands around her arms.

“I know Cisco loves you. I can see it when he talks about you, when you’re even mentioned. I know he would take good care of you too – not that you need taking care of,” he added when he saw a touch of offense in her eyes. “But if you wanted to be taken care of sometimes, I know he could do it. Don’t let what happened in your past and my past keep you from being happy. You can still do your job, and you can be with who you love. And if it doesn’t work out, you can come live with me!”

She scoffed, but there was some subtle laughter in it.

“Will you talk to him?” he asked gently, then waited.

The prospect seemed impossible. She didn’t want to risk anything. She was so scared of wanting what Cisco wanted with her, because what if it didn’t work out? To experience a loss again the way she had with her mother and the man she’d loved before Cisco… She didn’t know if she could come back from that.

“There’s nothing left to say,” she said quietly.

He tipped her chin up to look at him.

“I think there is.”

She tried to will herself not to cry, but the tears tumbled out despite all her best efforts.

“You love him.”

Her lips parted.

“Then tell him.”

“What good will it do? It won’t change anything.”

“Cynthia,” he scolded gently.

“You think I should move there with him. I should take a risk? Try to make it work even though it scares the hell out of me?” She couldn’t remember if she’d ever been this raw and honest with her father, but the question escaped her, and she needed an answer.

“Love is scary,” he said. “But it’s also beautiful and magical, and we need it.”

“What if he doesn’t take me back?” she asked, various scenarios of rejection speeding through her mind and plummeting any confidence she thought might be building.

“I don’t think that will happen.”

She couldn’t smile back. She could barely nod, but after some brief hesitation, she pressed a quick peck to her father’s cheek and then stepped out of range.

“Thank you, Daddy.”

He was saying something after she disappeared into the portal, but she couldn’t make it out. Her mind was racing, and her heart was pounding, and all she could think was _Oh, God, please don’t let it be too late_.

…

It occurred to Cynthia belatedly that she hadn’t been many places on Earth 1. Or at least, she hadn’t been many places that Cisco frequented. She’d been to STAR Labs, and she’d been to his apartment. Then whenever help was needed out in the field she was summoned there. Lucky for her, she seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to Cisco Ramon. She thought of Earth 1, and she thought of Cisco, and the breach opened in Cisco’s living room.

Grateful he was alone, but tense as to how she’d get through this conversation with a happy ending at the end of it, she watched as he stilled in front of his refrigerator.

He was dressed in dark t-shirt and pajama pants. It had only been a few hours since their break-up. She hoped she hadn’t been responsible for driving him to this and that he’d just wanted to relax when he got home. She felt a knife twist in her stomach, since she suspected the latter wasn’t the case

“Cynthia?” he asked, probably wondering if she was some sort of dream.

“Hi, Cisco,” she said cautiously, shifting on her feet a little but not stepping in any direction.

It was a long, quiet moment that nearly drove her mad, but eventually he pulled a half-gallon of milk out of the fridge and then closed the door. Her eyes zeroed in on it and she held in a sigh. _If I don’t win him back_ , _at least he can drink milk without my lactose intolerance getting in the way._

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” he said, setting the container on the counter deliberately, and she knew he’d been thinking the exact same thing. “Not for a personal call at least, and definitely not this soon.”

She looked away and nodded, her gaze suddenly glued to the floor.

“Yeah…”

He focused his attention of retrieving a cup, pouring himself some milk, and sticking the container back in the fridge.

He came to sit on the couch.

“What can I help you with?” he asked, not sounding uncaring but not particularly interested or invested either.

She took a breath and came to sit on the opposite side of the couch.

“Look, Cisco, here’s the thing…”

He looked up at her, waiting, cup of milk hovering just before his lips. When she seemed to have lost the capability to speak, he took a sip, wiped his mouth, and then set the cup down.

“What?”

She swallowed hard.

“About…earlier…”

“Yeah?” He folded his arms across his chest.

“How are you doing?” she asked, practically wincing through the whole question.

It wasn’t a good tactic, and she knew it. She could see him mentally telling himself not to lash out.

“How am I doing,” he repeated through clenched teeth. “H-How…how do you think I’m doing?” he asked, looking up at her, eyes blazing. “I…I lost the love of my life.”

Her heart did a flip and stung miserably at the same time.

He ran a hand through his hair and sank back onto the arm of the couch behind him.

“How do you think I’m doing?” He threw his hands about. “And what is this? A sympathy call? I don’t need your pity. It’s over. Done. There’s nothing left to say.”

He snatched the cup from the table and stalked across the room. He braced his hand on the fridge and drank greedily, needing to create some distance but stuffing something in his mouth so he wouldn’t say anything else he’d regret.

“Nothing?” she asked, her voice so small.

_This was a bad idea, Cynthia. You should not have come here. He doesn’t want to see you. You broke his heart. He doesn’t want to see or talk to you ever again._

The loud sigh broke through her internal berating.

“What did you come to say, Cynthia?”

A part of her wondered if he was tormenting her by calling her by her formal name when she’d repeatedly informed him she preferred the nickname, Gypsy, instead. But she knew that wasn’t the case. When things were raw and real between them, nicknames had no place. And her full first name sounded so good passing through his lips that she was almost tempted to ask him to call her that all the time. Maybe create a nickname that was similar but not so long off the tongue.

If there was an ‘all the time’ after this, of course.

“I didn’t come to pity you, Cisco,” she said, standing up.

“No?” He raised his eyebrows dubiously. “Then what? Do you need help with something on your earth?”

“No.”

“Then _what_?”

His tone was starting to irritate her.

“You know, I was hurt too. It wasn’t just you crying when we last saw each other, or did you conveniently forget that part?” she spat.

He tossed the plastic cup into the sink roughly.

“I didn’t forget. Did _you_ forget why we broke up in the first place?” He started stalking towards her angrily.

“ _No_ ,” she ground out.

“Then why are you here? Don’t tell me you had a change of heart.”

The sarcasm laced through her, burning every vulnerable word that would have spilled out of her mouth. It was seething and mean and maybe she deserved it, but it was killing the little confidence she had bit by bit. Soon she’d have nothing left except to spew some cruel remarks of her own and go on her way, cry a little when she got home. Maybe throw something. Definitely be tempted to snatch someone up just for the hell of it and then release them later because after all, they probably wouldn’t have done anything wrong.

Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but no words came out.

Her insides were screaming at her to tell him, but her racing heart insisted that the way he was now, he’d never believe her. Maybe he’d insist their break-up had been for the best. She couldn’t bear rejection now, even though she’d given it to him countless times before.

Something in his demeanor softened, but it was clear he was trying to hide it. Now he was the one keeping his guard up.

“ _Did_ you have a change of heart?” he asked hesitantly, quietly, not making eye contact.

She knew that was her opening. If she didn’t give the right answer now, he might get angry again. She might never have an opportunity to say what she wanted and for him to be willing to listen and believe it.

So, she nodded subtly.

He seemed to register the movement, even without looking at her, because he flinched and then stared at her straight-on.

“You did?” The disbelief in his voice was clear.

Relief rushed through her.

“Yeah, I… I talked to my dad.”

He stiffened.

She laughed wryly.

“He really likes you now, Cisco.”

His lips twitched at the corners.

“I do have that effect on people.” She glanced up at him. “Usually. Sometimes.” He paused. “In most cases.”

Silence lingered. She took a breath.

“Look, Cisco, I was scared.” He watched her closely, not saying a word. “The truth is…I do want what you want. I want all of it. But…” She licked her lips. “The last guy I was with…he died. He was murdered. And despite getting justice by bringing Abra in…he’s still dead… And I guess I just…”

“You felt responsible.”

“Yeah.” She sighed shakily. “And I lost my mom when I was really young. She died in a car accident.”

“Oh, Cynthia, I’m so sorry.”

She nodded. “It’s fine. It was a long time ago. My dad told me the full story today. I think he hurt from the whole thing more than I did. And not just because he loved her, but because he wouldn’t let her love him until it was too late, and then…” she trailed off, then fixed her eyes on his.

“I…I love you, Cisco.”

His eyes widened.

“I have for a while, but I was terrified to say it, of what it would mean. I didn’t want to get too close to you, spend too much time with you…I found reasons to not visit, because I was so over my head in love with you that I was afraid if something happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to recover, and I-”

But she didn’t get to finish her speech. Because Cisco had invaded her personal space, cupped her face in his hands, and was kissing her, soft and gentle, reaffirming, wiping the tears already tracking down her cheeks.

Startled, but not disappointed, she kissed him back and then cupped his face as well.

“I love you, too,” he said, causing a slow smile to spread across her face. He pulled back, pushing strands of her hair out of her face.

“I know.”

“I want to be with you,” he said, “but I can’t do the couple visits a year thing. I’m ready to go all the way with you, but it’s not going to work if you aren’t too. I can be patient and reassuring and take things slow. You can even get your own place here for a while, but-”

She cut him off this time, kissing him, somehow crowding closer.

“Yes,” she said. “There’s no one else I’d ever want to try that with.”

He licked his lips and started to smile too.

“You know, not to scare you off or anything, but the first time you kissed me, I swore I was going to marry you one day.”

“Cisco,” she warned.

“I know, I know,” he laughed it off. “I’m just telling you. It isn’t like I picked out a ring or anything.”

 _Yet_ was so clearly the unspoken message she wanted to scream, but underneath all her fear and apprehension it made her giddy.

She sighed and brushed her hand along the side of his face.

“Cisco…”

He kissed her again, his own heart doing flips.

“So, you’re really doing this? You’re moving here? To be with me? What about your job?”

She rolled her eyes, smiling.

“I can breach to other earths, Cisco. It’ll be easy enough to get my assignments in the morning, carry them out throughout the day, and come home to you when I’m done.”

His sappy grin was her undoing, and she knew she had stars in her eyes.

“Home to me,” he said happily. “I like the sound of that.”

Not even bothering to think up a proper snappy comeback to tease him with, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, kissing him again and again and again.

“Do you like the sound of tha-” he asked, mid-kiss.

“Shut up.” She tried to kiss him again.

“But do yo-”

“You know I do,” she said, and pulled his mouth to hers so she could silence him. “Now shut up, you ass.”

He smiled against her lips, but did as she requested, falling down onto the couch with her and succumbing to the happiness flooding through both of them.

“A cute ass,” he murmured, to which she laughed. “Admit it, I have the cutest-”

“The cutest ass I ever saw,” she confirmed to appease him. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

He was still grinning, which made it hard to kiss, but he did as he was told, and she lost herself in it, in him.

 _This is worth the risk_ , she thought. _It’s worth coming back. It’s worth everything._


End file.
